Ever since I was a young girl (and by young I mean 5) I have been obsessed with boys. Boys were my favorite topic in every conversation. The whole idea of being in love captivated me beyond my young childlike imagination. All I ever wanted was for someone to sweep me off my feet and ride off with me to a beautiful castle all my own. As I grew up and hit my teen years that longing to be wanted and loved expanded to the point of being all I focused on. The idea that a boy would find me attractive and want to love me was something I had only ever dreamed about, but wanted so badly. After multiple one-sided crushes I began to give up on the idea that I would ever be special enough for someone to love. Fast forward a few years to the present and I find myself realizing that the male gender has finally started noticing me. After 20 years of being single you would think I’d be excited to finally have the chance at love—but I’m not. You might be wondering what changed? How did I go from boy crazy to single and not wanting to mingle? I guess you could say boys were no longer my top priority. Other things became more important to me. I started to realize that there was much more out there for me then just settling down and starting a family. Don’t get me wrong that is still something I long to do, it’s just not first on my list anymore. Following God’s time table for my life was something I had decided to do when I gave up trying to run it my way. That was one of the hardest things for me. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to waste time. So many places to go, things to see, people to meet, adventures to have, and memories to make, and here I am waiting. Waiting for God to give me the green light on what I’m suppose to do next or where I am suppose to go. Your probably wondering ‘So what does that have to do with relationships?’ –well… everything. I’m still struggling and learning a lot about myself and the calling that God has for me and honestly I can’t handle a relationship right now. I don’t want to let my relationship with a guy distract me from my relationship with God, and I know it will because it’s happened before when I only liked someone. How much more will I be distracted if I’m actually in a relationship with someone? I’m not saying it’s easy, God knows I still yearn for that special someone to come sweep me off my feet. I still dream about it all the time and pray constantly for God to bring that special someone along soon. But that’s my timing again. God knows that for me to be in a relationship right now would be unfair to that person because how do I expect him to understand me when I don’t understand myself? –Of course if we are honest that’s a lot of us girls. I am constantly at war with myself. One minute I don’t want to be in a relationship. I love my single life; getting to hang out with my single friends, going on last minute girl trips, talking about cute guys we saw on our travels, etc. Then the next moment I’m begging God to bring that special guy into my life right away. I want to experience the feeling of being loved, spending time together, talking about random things, having deep talks about what is important to us, going out and doing dumb crazy things. There have been moments that I longed for that so much I would break down and cry… but God knew that I wasn’t ready for that yet, and wherever my future spouse may be, maybe he isn’t ready for that either. Which I can’t blame him, a relationship with me would be a handful, gonna take one brave guy for that haha. But for now I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father to work on and that takes precedence in my life right now. Until I can keep God first in my life and look to Him for everything I need; Love, satisfaction, purpose, happiness, all those things, only then will I be ready to pursue a healthy God-given relationship with someone. That’s my greatest wish, to have a relationship built on Christ and held together by our mutual desire to love and serve God with everything that we are. So yes at this moment in time I’m single and with God’s help I will learn to be satisfied with that until He decides that both of us are ready. Meanwhile I will continue to wait and most importantly pray. Pray that He will trust God with everything, that he will put God first and foremost in his heart and life, and that He will wait for that perfect moment when God brings us together to help, encourage, and love one another. I want to encourage each and every one of you reading this to do that. Pray for your future spouse daily or whenever he crosses your mind because trust me he is going through a lot too. The same struggles you are going through he may be experiencing as well. It’s just as hard for him to wait for you as it is for you to wait for him. So pray for him, lift him up to God and pray that God will provide him with strength, wisdom, trust, patience, and most of all a yearning to become a strong man of God that will lead you and your future family into a stronger relationship with Him as you serve God with your lives.